Octopi. Octopusses. Octopussies?
I feel like I have to write about a topic that has caused me agony as well as giggling fits for the past few days. So here goes:
- They're supposedly extremely smart, possibly the most intelligent of all invertebrates.
- They are poisonous.
- They are masters of camouflage and fleeing from danger. They also expel ink. (How cool!)
- They now have a celebrity called Paul, the "psychic". Often referred to as the 'tentacled tipster', he's a football fan. Born in England, the Germans have claimed him for their own and he currently resides in Oberhausen. He is famous for having predicted all-but-one of Germany's Euro Cup matches, and all of their World Cup matches correctly.
- Don't know which language he speaks, but bidders and betters have been trying to master "Octopussese" to win. On his Facebook, though, he thanks people in German and Spanish.
- Yes, he has a Facebook page. And he updates his status to stuff like "Don't hate me, I'm only tellin' it like it is". You know the world is revolving in the opposite direction when octopuses have their own Facebook pages.
- I'm no animal hater, but in my defense, when his prediction of Germany's semifinal loss came true, I wished him a natural death (strangulation by his own tentacles). as opposed to Argentine/German threats of frying him in garlic butter. Of course, I had my reasons (I hate seafood).
- He has now graduated to predicting matches that don't involve Germany. Spain loves him, Spain wants to buy him, Spanish restaurants have taken octopuses off their menus, Spain want's to rename him "Pablo", Spain will be sending him red roses on Valentine's Day.
- But for those who hate him for predicting a Spanish win tomorrow, there's always consolation in the form of Mani the Parakeet. He doesn't have as many fans. Yet.
- So, who do we believe in?
- All the fun has gone outta football. We should just let the Wise Ones do their stuff, and the players can go party.