My heart had its reasons.
An email and gifts from my cousin.
Unsent letters from someone I would have loved long and deep –
A life built within words and ideas and spaces
"Meh" t-shirt to a dreamed-of address.
It eventually found its way to me after years
knocking together two heartbreaks.
I was younger then, more hopeful
perhaps naive
(I'm still naive
sometimes and I
keep reminding myself to dream.)
Ah, feet at last in Sweden.
It felt like I should have big feelings,
but I didn't, not really,
seven years since my past.
Seven years since I'd traversed foreign roads
but by the time I arrived in Sweden
I had my confidence again,
and the comfort of my Korean playlist
in the chill of October autumn nights –
the ways we build ourselves back up after being
shattered all the way from India
long-distance words once again.
The next day I switched ring fingers
just to see what it felt like.
I took myself to the ABBA museum
this music of my youth
a sadder story than I remembered
of paths that came together
and then diverged.
I learned about love
from the people I stayed with,
about choosing some things over others
about building a life and a home
and the cracks.
I also learned about it from a friend
starting that journey
as we walked and talked around Stockholm.
And I was somewhere in the middle
or maybe the beginning, or maybe the end –
I couldn't tell anymore.
Now I happily dabble
surprisingly bloody.
Centuries-old families
and letters and travels
and royals and wars and reformations.
I've always loved symmetry
and now it's all coming full circle
in Sweden.
 |
| Outside the Vasa Museum, October '22 |
<3
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